A big day . . .

14 Oct
Sailboats in San Diego, California at 4 am

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Today I worked a full day . . . the first full day since I don’t know when . . . a really long time. I have friends that have been on the same cancer roller coaster as me (we were bald together, red together, tired and exhausted together, recovering from surgery together). But, for some reason, I took a few hits with the first two surgeries which took me out for quite a bit (no working, too sick, too tired or too out of it to keep up). And, since I was/am a business owner, it wasn’t like the business would keep on running if I was not able to come in to work for a couple of months.

So today was a big, big day. I put in what would have been considered a pretty normal “long” day. I worked early this am. Then had a client meeting (which required significant prep time) in San Diego. So, a long drive, a lot of prep and a long meeting. And . . . the meeting went great. I was back in on top of my game. Don’t get me wrong . . . my arm and right side were pretty darn sore during the meeting . . . but, my client never knew. I got through it. It felt good . . . okay, well, it felt good for the most part . . . as in, I definitely did not feel physically well afterwards . . . but, it was a lot to handle in one day.

The huge thing is that I got through it without a hitch mentally. I didn’t jumble up words, I didn’t walk out of my house four times forgetting something and going back inside to retrieve it only to forget (once inside) what I had forgotten . . . I didn’t do that ONCE. I simply made my list of things to do and bring and I actually left the house with all of it done right.

The meeting went well, my client was happy and completely unaware that I had ever been sick.

My brother lives in San Diego, about 25 minutes from where I had my client meeting. So, I made arrangements to stay over night . . . I knew that I would not be able to make the roundtrip drive to and from San Diego in the same day. I got to my brothers house and slowly made my way up to his place . . . moving slow after pushing it all day long.

And then my nephew Matthew met me at the door . . . excited to see me and gave me a big hug . . . I felt less tired and less aware of my aches and pains.

It was great spending time with him. He said the sweetest thing to me tonight . . . it was past his bed time and I was talking with him in his room, trying to get him to go to sleep and he said to me: “I just don’t want this conversation to end”

Precious.

He just turned eleven. He is a delightful boy. We had a wonderful evening. I have missed him so much this past year plus. Cancer really got in the way. It was so great to reconnect with him.

It really made the worries and strains of the week melt away. And, today was a bit worrisome on the medical front as I got a call from my oncologist’s office telling me to go get a CT scan. I am supposed to have a chest CT . . . and, possibly other scans, not sure. I told the woman that called that I have been having headaches for some time now. She asked me how often and really pinned it down with her questions . . . she came to the conclusion that I have been having headaches at least five days out of every seven . . . and said that my oncologist was definitely going to want to know that. So, I am supposed to hear back soon as to whether I will have to have that checked out. I am so afraid of that, having scans, waiting for results. I just want to be fine, I just want to get through this and be able to move on with a cancer free life.

It is like being woken up from a fog . . . having had cancer . . . I don’t know for sure whether having had cancer has made me appreciate things more as much as it has simply given me a very different appreciation. The joy that I have spending time with my nephew for example . . . not that I would not have enjoyed it before, but, I truly cherish it now in a way that is richer than before, deeper, more meaningful. So, I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to be his aunt that he used to know as a little boy . . . you get my drift.

Everything that was sweet before is so much sweeter. So, I guess I do appreciate things more now. And, everything that was a nuisance before . . . I no longer tolerate to the same degree as before . . . I get rid of it, work around it, dump it . . . because all “it” does is prevent me from having more of those precious, meaningful moments.

So, yes, I do appreciate things more. And, I am so grateful for having time with my nephew Matthew today  . . . grateful to have some time with him and to joke with him and to learn how much math he knows these days – we made up a math game tonight, it was fun.

Well, time to go to bed.

Please say some prayers for me. I greatly appreciate it.

Love and peace,

Lisa

2 Responses to “A big day . . .”

  1. Sally October 15, 2010 at 7:59 PM #

    Hi, Lisa,
    Such great good news! You’re going to have your life back, and better. You will know to not tolerate the bad, the meaningless, the petty stuff. And you realize even more now the importance of family, of relationships. It was a very full big day. Am so glad the drains are gone. I hope you will get more sleep now. Sending love and prayers your way.
    Sally

  2. cancerfree2b October 15, 2010 at 8:09 PM #

    Dear Aunt Sally,
    Thank you. Yes, I think I will sleep well tonight. I slept for a few hours this afternoon after I got home. I just have these headaches – that worry me, and that keep me awake – but, I think I will be able to sleep tonight. I am very happy to be able to put in a full work day again . . . even if it means having to sleep away half of the day after 🙂 It is really a good feeling to be able to do it.

    I will be back in San Diego in two weeks – to meet with the same client again. So, that will mean another visit with Matthew . . . this time I will get to take him back with me for a couple of days. That will be nice.

    Well, I am pretty sleepy and it is only 9:00 pm here. I think I will head to bed (again) soon. 🙂

    Much love to you always,
    Lisa

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