In need of sleep . . .

12 Oct

Today was rough. It was preceded by a rough night . . . I couldn’t sleep and for the first time in some time I thought about, worried about a cancer recurrence. I have had a headache for some time now and that is one of the things that my oncologist wants me to take note of . . . any new headaches, any prolonged headaches etc.

I don’t know why I am having headaches. It could be from stress, diet, lack of sleep . . . who knows. But, it is a bit worrisome. And, when I am alone and can’t sleep the worry creeps in and then sleep is pretty much impossible.

Last night was one of those nights. I didn’t feel well when this morning at all. And, I compounded that feeling by following through on my plan to go to a support group today. That was not a good experience for me today.

Today’s group was somehow very depressing to me. Maybe it was the woman who has had a recurrence of the same kind of cancer that I had. Maybe it was hearing the suggestion that the worst kind of breast cancer to get is HER2 positive breast cancer. I am sure that was not the intended point of the discussion. But, it is what I came away with.

One discussion today was about the different types of breast cancer – triple negative, HER2 positive, “regular” breast cancer . . . etc. I am not sure exactly what is meant by the “regular” kind of breast cancer. But, it is the kind that most women who get breast cancer get . . . so, non-aggressive.

About 70% of breast cancer is not aggressive. As I sat in group today I kept thinking are the survival rates simply reflective of the types of breast cancer? What I mean is that most women survive breast cancer . . . but, most women have a non-aggressive form of breast cancer. So, where does that leave me?

No once can say. My oncologist has told me I am cured. But, she has also said that there is a fifty-fifty chance of recurrence. So then what?

And I know I shouldn’t be thinking that way. But, as I have these aches and pains that I can not adequately explain away, I think about it. I worry about it.

The worry and attitude are always worst when I don’t feel well. I am tired. Very tired of so much pain. I had a great weekend. I went out, spent time with friends and got really tired doing all of that. But, I felt pretty good. Today, however, just wasn’t a good day.

Tomorrow I will see my surgeon. Hopefully it will go well. I am having some new pains that I will bring to his attention. I hope that he will take out the one remaining drain. That would be great and a real relief.

Well, I am super sleepy, hoping to get some sleep soon.

Love and peace,

Lisa

One Response to “In need of sleep . . .”

  1. Sandy October 12, 2010 at 6:23 PM #

    Rest well, Cured Girl. 🙂 I’ll see you tomorrow.

    Love,
    Sandy

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