I am tired tonight. I spent pretty much the entire day and evening in bed. Last night I slipped when I was walking down the stairs . . . thought I had reached the bottom, when I hadn’t . . . ended up kind of wrenching my right side, the side that I just had surgery on. So, it was a little bit of set back. I was in a bit of pain last night and still am today. But, it is okay. I see a surgeon tomorrow at 10:00 am.
Unfortunately, I will not be seeing Dr. Sherman tomorrow (I will see his new associate instead as Dr. Sherman is out of town). But, I am sure it will go fine.
Hopefully this surgeon will take the drains out. It is so uncomfortable to me to have these coming out of my side and back. There is just no comfortable position at all and very little sleep right now. It would be so great if I could start the weekend drain free . . . that would be so nice.
I am so, so tired. Maybe I will be able to get some sleep tonight. Well, I guess I don’t have much to say 🙂
I have the appointment tomorrow up at Cedars Sinai (thank you again Sandy for taking me 🙂 and then I have an appointment on Friday with my gynecologist. We may figure out what to do with Lisa’s ovaries . . . so not looking forward to that whole discussion. But, got to deal with it. I just hope to get out of her office with good news and no painful biopsies.
I just want the rest of this week to pass by and get to the weekend . . hopefully drain free. And hopefully spending time with my best friend.
I am so done with cancer and its aftermath . . . so over it, so ready to move on.
Please keep those prayers and positive vibes coming my way. I greatly appreciate it.
Love and peace,
Lisa
cancerfree2b 
Dear Lisa,
So many decisions. Can’t they allow you to just recover and find balance metaphorically as well as physically? Is there anything they do to assist with the healing after drains are removed? Discernment is so very important and easier to find when time is given. I hope that you are O.K. after your mis-step.
XO~Shelly
Dear Shelly,
Thank you for your message. No, they don’t really give you time, that is/was one of the hardest things about all of this nonsense: that there is a pace that is driven by my medical doctors (of which I have SO many). In the early days some of my doctors competed over who would get their tests run first – only so many days in the week I guess 🙂 (for example, my oncologist might want scans while another doctor wanted to do a biopsy or an endoscopic exam). There were weeks that, I let them do it, they would have had me in tests sometimes one day after the next . . . sometimes I let them do that just to get it over with and sometimes I simply did not get all of the tests they wanted, done.
It is one of the weird things about all of this, that it seems to have a pace all its own. There were definitely times where I simply felt I was along for the ride . . . I certainly was not driving the bus.
But, these days are a lot better now . . .
Today I got two of the three remaining drains out. It feels so much better. I will likely get the last drain out next week. I can’t wait.
I am much better now after my stupid little slip on the stairs. The doctor today confirmed that everything seems to be okay, so that is good.
She told me to be more careful . . . she is probably about 28 (a resident), maybe even younger.
Thank you again for your message.
Love,
Lisa
Dear Lisa,
I was going to tell you how you make me stronger–it came to me when I couldn’t fall asleep and then thought about your REAL sleep problems, with surgeries, pain and drains! Then I read about your fall, about big decisions to be made, about the tiresomeness of it all (even if you had enough sleep).
Please know you are thought about and prayed for and wished WELL.
You will be well because you are fierce! Stay strong.
Love,
Sally
Dear Aunt Sally,
Thank you so much for your message. Thank you for what you said. All sleep problems are REAL though 🙂
I was speaking with a friend of mine yesterday by phone. He was telling me how his day went, that it was a rough day. He said, “I guess this is how my luck is going . . .” I told him not to say that, that things would get better, not to borrow trouble. We got off of the phone and he called me back and apologized for complaining saying that he felt so bad complaining to a cancer patient.
I get that from people – that they feel like they don’t have a right to complain about certain things because I had cancer.
I told him that what he was going through was not made less real or aggravating or upsetting or painful simply because I was a cancer patient. People still get colds and the flu, break bones, have insomnia, have to go to the dentist . . . people still have bad days. Just because I have had cancer doesn’t take that away. I marvel at how people say that my experiences make them feel stronger. It is pretty humbling really.
But, I do understand it. A twenty year old young man, who is the nephew of a childhood friend of mine, has had cancer all of his life. He was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of three. I didn’t know this boy very well. But, I did have the opportunity to see him over the years, and to hear of his battle. (he did have six years where he was in remission before the cancer came back).
I remember how he would run around and play . . . bald, most likely hurting from the pain of treatment . . . but, acting just like any other happy kid. He was joyful even though he had an uncertain future. He was happy even though he knew he would most definitely experience pain again.
When I was diagnosed I immediately thought of this boy, he made me feel pretty strong. Early on when I had no idea whether the cancer I had could be cured, I thought of this boy and immediately felt lucky that I had already had 44 years on this planet. The first 44 years were pretty healthy. I just thought how could I complain about anything when this boy was so joyful in spite of his constant battle, in spite of not really getting to have a normal childhood.
I think of him, his name is John. I wrote to his family a few months ago to tell them how much strength he has brought to me.
It has helped me to pray for him. I hope my prayers have helped him. He has definitely touched many, many people in his lifetime. I am glad to have been one of them.
Every day gets better. Thank yo so much for your prayers and well wishes. It means so much and thank you for saying I am “fierce” . . . I like that and it is good to be reminded of that word . . . we all have fierceness within us, don’t you think?
Well, I am rambling here . . . after midnight . . . hopefully my ramble makes some sense.
Much love to you always,
Lisa