Today’s expansion didn’t go so well. The plan was to expand . . . but, when my surgeon took at look at how my skin was holding up/healing from the last expansion she initially decided that we should wait until next week to expand. Then, after looking at a calendar and realizing that we only had two more opportunities to expand prior to surgery, she decided to go ahead and expand, but, to just do a bit less. It was not a very comforting feeling . . . listening to her go back and forth on what she should do. She said that either way it was a gamble . . .
She put in 50 ccs of saline (usually, she does somewhere between 60 and 120, depending upon how things look). Well, my skin immediately didn’t start to look so well (I chose not to look, but, I can tell you that I could definitely feel it . . . it felt like I was going to split open . . . sorry to share that, but, that is how it felt). She stopped at the 50 ccs and then watched me for a little bit and then decided that she had to take some of it out. So, another syringe (that part is actually not that bad) and she drew out some of the saline she had put in.
The skin recovered some, but, she is still concerned and now is talking about the possibility of having to take me to surgery early, as in possibly this week . . . kind of hard to believe and definitely not something I was prepared to hear. But, what can I do? Nothing. All I can do is wait and see . . . that is all she can do.
My parents had offered/wanted to come with me to today’s appointment. I am glad that I didn’t let them. It would have been harder having them there really. Too much, just too much. I was afraid to go alone today, but, the alternative . . . having my parents, who have been through so much already, seeing what happened today . . . would have been far harder. It is so hard to see them suffer at my hands. I mean, I know it is not like I am doing this to them on purpose, but, it is hard to bear seeing them in so much pain.
Anyway, I will be seeing my surgeon again on either Wednesday or Thursday of this week. I am to see her Wednesday if anything changes and Thursday if it doesn’t get worse. Whatever that means. I am not sure what I am looking for . . . although she did say that if I see the expander come through that I need to call her immediately . . . well, duh, I guess 🙂
So, there is a possibility that I might go to surgery on Friday or this weekend. I have nothing arranged, no food shopping done, the guest bedroom isn’t up to par, I need to stock up on things and now I am pretty much down for a couple of days recovering from the stupid expansion as it is. So, I don’t hope to accomplish much tomorrow or Wednesday. I am have afraid to move, thinking that I might tear the skin and then need to have surgery early.
I think if things are just allowed to settle down (my skin that is) then I will be able to keep my September 9th surgery date. My surgeon is hoping for that, but, won’t commit. She says she cannot predict what my skin will do, but, hopes that we can wait for surgery on the 9th.
I hope for that too. In the meantime, I will do my best to make the necessary arrangements . . . what I have always called my pre-op hop . . . although, not likely going to be doing much hopping in the next couple of days 🙂
Please keep me in your prayers.
I greatly appreciate it.
Much love,
Lisa
cancerfree2b 
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