Still no sleep . . .

18 Aug

It is five thirty in the morning and it is the second straight day of no sleep. I am in less pain (as I stated in my previous post from last night/this morning) but, not enough less to get to sleep.

I mentioned that I am suffering from some pain that ibuprofen can not touch. I have lost a few people over the past couple of years due to my illness. They were not able to deal with it, I was not able to deal with them, just a combination of things I guess. Most of that happened early on in my journey. But, this time it is someone recent. Someone I came to depend upon who is now choosing, well, something easier I guess. I don’t know. I know that the medication I have been taking and trying to adjust to has had an impact on my psyche. But, I really didn’t think it would result in losing someone over it.

It has happened before, but, I didn’t expect it from this person. But, I have no control over how people react to me or to my struggles. I have to say that I expected much more empathy and understanding from this person. But, it isn’t like he doesn’t have his own problems and struggles . . . we all do. I guess I just expected more. And, I have to say, I was definitely encouraged to expect more.

So, here it is now after 5:30 in the morning and I wide awake. I am in pain . . .  on a few levels . . . and alone. That is the hard part, being alone. I guess I made that point earlier. But, cancer is a bit isolating, you can, for good reason or not, feel like an island sometime.

Here is to feeling better tomorrow on all fronts. I will do my best to make the best of the day, and, hopefully that will include some sleep.

Goodnight/good morning,

Lisa

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