Crash test dummy feels a little bit better . . .

I am still pretty sore from the accident I had on Sunday. But, I feel more alert, so that is good. I have been working on getting sleep and that has helped. The muscle relaxant the doctor gave me has also helped me get more sleep. It hasn’t helped me get more work done, but, I have high hopes for today.

I am supposed to see my surgeon today to see if the accident caused any damage to my newly reconstructed breast. I hope not. I can feel that there is pain where the new muscle was attached . . . maybe some tearing occurred in the accident. There is bruising where my seatbelt came in on my left side . . . that is what concerns me the most. I can actually feel where something is a bit different there since the accident. I sure hope everything is okay. One of the ways an implant can get ruptured and leak is from a car accident.

I don’t think there is a rupture, but, I am concerned that the muscle that my doctor took from my back to cover the implant may have torn a bit in one or two spots as I can feel that there is something different there. Since this muscle was stitched into place internally, I am not sure that if it came apart or was torn that it would heal, fuse back up to a place where it would not normally belong in the first place.

It is frustrating and a little scary. I sure don’t want to have any complications.

I think everything will be fine. I hope, anyway.

I am most frustrated by the fact that I am once again in pain. I was just starting to feel really pretty good physically (still had limitations with my arms and mobility). But, overall, I was really feeling good. And, I was so looking forward to enjoying the time between now and the next surgery . . . a period of time without pain and with the most freedom physically that I have had in more than a year. So, I am pretty discouraged by having had the car accident. I feel horrible about my brother’s car. And, I feel pretty bad about having another physical thing to deal with.

Normally, I don’t think I would be very bothered by this kind of injury. But, right now I feel like I have been robbed (through my own carelessness and inattentiveness) of time that is pain free. I know that as soon as I have the next surgery that I will be out for some time, in pain for some time. I will be glad once it is over with and I am recovered from the next surgery. But, I am pretty disappointed that I am losing days, weeks of time between surgeries where I had expected to feel good and enjoy things and get work done.

I will still get work done, I have to. But, it has been hard this week to do much of anything given how sore I am. I shouldn’t be throwing myself this pity party I guess. I am just mad at myself and, I guess, a bit depressed by the pain. I was feeling so good and now I am so mad that I am losing days to this stupid accident.

Days are a lot more precious to me than before. I realize that now. It isn’t just time anymore, it is a gift and I feel in desperate need to not waste it . . . I hate to waste time sitting around or laying around nursing my sore, achy body. It makes me mad.

Well, enough belly aching. I will feel better soon. In the meantime, I will do what my doctor says to do, which is to get some rest, take anti-inflammatory meds and muscle relaxants. Hopefully I will feel a lot better soon!

Thank you for you continued prayers.

Much love,

Lisa