Archive | April, 2010


23 Apr

I just got my scan results, NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE, CLEAR SCANS . . . unbelievable!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. I am so incredibly grateful to all of you.

Much, much love,


Thursday . . .

22 Apr

Well, no news yet. I will call my oncologist’s office tomorrow I guess. Although, I may not. I may just wait . . . even though I know the results are available and were supposedly faxed over to my oncologist’s office on Tuesday. Anyway, I feel well, so I am hanging onto that. And, even if there is something wrong, then perhaps the fact that I feel pretty good right now would mean that it was not so bad? Don’t really want to think about what ifs anymore, don’t have the energy for it and certainly those around me don’t either, it is exhausting.

Played some music with my Dad tonight. It was a lot of fun. I think I am playing a music gig this weekend. Need to call my blues band and find out if they still need a bass player for Saturday night.

Thank you for your continued prayers and positive thoughts, I greatly appreciate it.

Much love,


If this, then that . . . if this, then that . . .

22 Apr

Still no news. Please keep sending positive thoughts and prayers my way.

When I was in law school we had to argue both sides. One of the ways I teach my students to do that is to tell them to picture each scenario, how it will play out and simply explain what the result would be. This is what I tell students to do when they don’t know the answer for certain – rather than force the facts into some kind of black and white, definite answer –  think of all of the possibilities and work through each scenario.

I find myself thinking of my life in these terms now . . . thinking of all of the possibilities – good and bad – and what I would do with either – playing out each scenario to prepare for whatever might come. I find myself constantly re-evaluating things, putting a new face on everything, because as the landscape changes sometimes I have to create a new mirage to go with it. I don’t know. But, I do know that these are very strange and difficult times. And, I know that I am not alone in feeling that way. Uncertainty is seemingly everywhere . . . one does not need a cancer diagnosis to feel that.

My head and stomach are spinning waiting for test results. I am physically ill with worry over it and I know that my family is too. Yesterday I called to make sure that the imaging center faxed my scan results to my doctor. I waited on hold while they faxed the results over (as they apparently had not yet done that). When I called yesterday, I listened for clues in the person’s voice over the phone . . . was there a dip in his voice just then? Was there? Does that mean something bad? It is crazy making.

Well, I just felt like checking in, or chiming in or whatever this is called.

Thank you for your continued prayers, I greatly appreciate it.

Much love,


No news yet . . .

21 Apr

I still have not heard anything – I am waiting for scan results. Very scary, unnerving, unsettling and worrisome. Nothing I can do about it. I forget how taxing this is for everyone else. The grief my situation visits on my family is so great some times and I feel so badly about that, about the burdens I bring to my family.

Today was one of those days, I was wrapped up in my own fear so much that I failed to see how hard today was for my Mom. Seeing her cry is so hard, but, of course she needs to do that . . . she has to wait too. It makes me so sad for her, for my Dad, for my family. I pray as much for them that I will get good news as for myself.

Please continue to say prayers, I really need it and I greatly appreciate it.

Much love,


Chopped Kale Salad . . .

18 Apr

Last year I changed my diet pretty radically. I tried to go organic (as much of the time as possible), eliminated sugar, most dairy, processed foods and all soy products (eliminating soy is harder than you think, soybean oil is in most everything these days). Every day I focus on three things: 1) avoiding processed foods, 2) getting enough protein (from low fat and non-chemical sources), and, 3) increasing the amount of fresh vegetables and fruits in my diet (I try to consume 7 to 10 servings of fruits and vegetables everyday, with a heavier emphasis on vegetables – although this is hard sometimes). I also try to consume as many dark green and colorful vegetables as possible.

Chopped Kale Salad

The darker green the better. And, if possible, I try to eat at least some vegetables daily that are raw (cooking can take out the good stuff, so I try to go raw when I can). Well, it can get a little boring sometimes, so I have come up with a few recipes over the past year.  Kale is a great vegetable. It is high in antioxidants, high in fiber and just good for you. However, raw, it tastes like a tough lettuce that is made out of broccoli. I have eaten it raw and cooked and also put it through a juicer. Other than adding it to soups, it was something that I ate in spite of how it tasted. Not any longer. If you do it right, it tastes good in a salad – or, a better way of putting it – is that you can’t tell it is in the salad 🙂

The key is to chopped up the kale into small pieces and add it to a sturdy lettuce (I prefer hearts of romaine). Keep the hearts of romaine chopped up in about one inch pieces (like you would do for a Caesar’s Salad). The two together (kale and hearts of romaine) are complimentary. Hearts of romaine tends to be a bit sweet so it helps to cut some of the bitterness of the kale. And, when you chop up the kale into really thin sections (1/8 of an inch or less thickness) then it really changes the flavor of the Kale. It is much more subtle and actually tastes a little bit like arugula. Again, the key is to chop it up pretty fine.


Organic Hearts of Romaine Lettuce (1 1/2 heads to 2 heads)

Organic Kale (about 6 to 8 large leaves)

Organic Apple (1)

Organic Orange (1)

Organic Raisins (1 handful)

Organic Olive Oil (1/2 cup)

Organic Balsamic Vinegar (2 tablespoons)

Spicy Mustard (about 1 to 1 1/2 tablespoons)

Organic Garlic (to taste, I use organic garlic from a jar for this salad, it comes in olive oil and is chopped. As a result, it is tender and mixes well in the vinaigrette. If using fresh garlic, then I suggest you press it and use less than one clove, probably about a 1/2 clove or less)

Ground Pepper to taste

Directions: Wash kale and cut about 8 large leaves/stalks of the kale. Bunch up the kale and chop it up (holding it into a bunch helps the chopping to go faster). Chop kale into pieces that are 1/8 inch or less. Wash two heads of hearts of romaine lettuce. Chop hearts of romaine into one inch sections (as you would do if making a Caesar’s Salad). Core one apple and slice into thin pieces (do not remove skin). Keep the pieces of apple about 1/2 inch or less. Cut one orange into four wedges. Take each wedge and cut fruit away from the skin (this will leave a small amount of pulp close to the skin). Take each section and cut it into four or five pieces so that you have small cube like pieces of orange. Reserve the skins to use in vinaigrette.

To make vinaigrette: combine one 1/2 cup organic olive oil with mustard and garlic. Blend well. Squeeze the remaining pulp from the orange sections into the olive oil mixture. Add balsamic vinegar. Whisk.

Combine all above ingredients into a large bowl and mix thoroughly so that salad is coated well with vinaigrette.

You can add additional raisins and fruit to the top of the salad (if you do so, reserve a little bit of the vinaigrette to mix your fruit into – this salad is best with the fruit and dressing combined well).

I often add chicken or salmon to this salad – mixing the chicken or salmon into the vinaigrette first before tossing it into the salad (it makes for a better flavor and consistency).

I’ll have a little oatmeal with my blueberries please . . .

18 Apr

Good morning,

Well, I decided to make some oatmeal this morning and thought that some blueberries would be a nice addition. It was really very good. Here is what oatmeal looks like when you add real blueberries. It makes eating those packaged instant oatmeals with “fruit” in it seem pretty gross now. This took only a few minutes to make and I highly recommend it. It is packed full of antioxidants and whole grain – both good very good for you.

Oatmeal and Organic, Wild Blueberries

Navigated Waters . . .

15 Apr

Today was spent mired in a medical maze. Not my favorite kind of day. But, I was successful – I was able to get all of the orders to the right place so that I could schedule scans for tomorrow. No small feat, I might add.

After getting a brief break from the medical maze, I went back to my old office building to see some friends (former office mates) for an annual gathering we have been doing for a few years now. I actually started the gathering – something for which I am called “the instigator” . . . not sure if I like that name 🙂

Anyway, some of the people I saw today I had not seen in about 8 or 9 months. They did not recognize me, that was kind of weird. I know I look different. I have lost a lot of weight, my hair is a different color and length, but, still, it was pretty weird. And, in general, it was just hard to go back there. I had an office in the building for a while. I had friends there. I spent a lot of time there and now I don’t spend any time there.

It is good that the rhythm of work and life keep moving, but it is also hard to see that I am not a part of that work rhythm anymore. Everything marches on. I guess it is just a bit shocking to see how much my life has changed over the course of a little over a year now.

It is what it is. I don’t know when I will be able to get back to things. Certainly days like today and tomorrow make that difficult. But, I will get there. I am just so tired right now. I don’t sleep but a couple of hours a night – this has been the trend for a month or more now. I know things will improve once I am able to get more sleep at night.

Well, enough whining for one day!

Please continue to keep me in your prayers, I greatly appreciate it.

Much love,