If this, then that . . . if this, then that . . .

22 Apr

Still no news. Please keep sending positive thoughts and prayers my way.

When I was in law school we had to argue both sides. One of the ways I teach my students to do that is to tell them to picture each scenario, how it will play out and simply explain what the result would be. This is what I tell students to do when they don’t know the answer for certain – rather than force the facts into some kind of black and white, definite answer –  think of all of the possibilities and work through each scenario.

I find myself thinking of my life in these terms now . . . thinking of all of the possibilities – good and bad – and what I would do with either – playing out each scenario to prepare for whatever might come. I find myself constantly re-evaluating things, putting a new face on everything, because as the landscape changes sometimes I have to create a new mirage to go with it. I don’t know. But, I do know that these are very strange and difficult times. And, I know that I am not alone in feeling that way. Uncertainty is seemingly everywhere . . . one does not need a cancer diagnosis to feel that.

My head and stomach are spinning waiting for test results. I am physically ill with worry over it and I know that my family is too. Yesterday I called to make sure that the imaging center faxed my scan results to my doctor. I waited on hold while they faxed the results over (as they apparently had not yet done that). When I called yesterday, I listened for clues in the person’s voice over the phone . . . was there a dip in his voice just then? Was there? Does that mean something bad? It is crazy making.

Well, I just felt like checking in, or chiming in or whatever this is called.

Thank you for your continued prayers, I greatly appreciate it.

Much love,


3 Responses to “If this, then that . . . if this, then that . . .”

  1. Sandy Gougis April 22, 2010 at 12:42 PM #


    Are you ready for an impossible suggestion? Try to relax!

    When you stop laughing, making you could take Molly for a walk – and be fully present for the walk, trying to imagine the world as Molly sees it. Or distract yourself with the new Debbie Viguie novel, “The Lord is my Shepard” – which is quite an engaging murder mystery! Or pray. Long talks with the divine are very healing.

    Whatever you do, do it with your full awareness. There will be less room in your mind for doubts and worry. Make your plans, and then – here it is again – relax!

    You’re in my prayers unceasingly.

    Love and peace,

  2. cancerfree2b April 22, 2010 at 1:09 PM #

    Dear Sandy,

    Such great – and loving – advice. Thank you. I am taking you up on your suggestion. I don’t have my dog (she is at my parents) and I don’t have Debbie’s new book – yet (so excited about her new book, another New York Time’s Best Seller for her, I bet!!!) – but, I can go for a walk and I can pray, things I will do with your suggestion of “full awareness” . . . thank you for that, and for being such a great friend to me.

    Much love always,

    • Sandy Gougis April 22, 2010 at 9:31 PM #

      I’m honored to be friends with you. As always, if you need anything, call. If it involves heavy lifting, I’ll send Michael. 🙂


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