4 down 24 to go . . .

12 Nov

I just got back from my fourth radiation treatment and also a doctor’s appointment (which was a follow up for the hospitalization I had in October).

So now I am home and will hopefully have very little more medical to deal with today, that is my hope anyway.

The first three radiation treatments were scheduled in the mornings – until they could get me into the time frame that I preferred. So, today was the first day of getting the new time, which is now 12:15 pm. I am not sure how that will work out. I probably should have asked for a time that was later in the day so that I could accomplish more in the earlier part of the day. But, I think it will work out.

After today’s treatment, they sent me over to see Dr. Cox, my radiation oncologist. He looked me over and said everything looked fine. He also told me that they need to get my skin to a certain amount of redness. It is all kind of strange – they tell you to put aloe on your skin to help take the redness away, but they also want your skin to get red. I don’t really understand it. I feel so much less informed about this stage of things than I did about the chemotherapy and the surgery. But, I am sure it will all work out. I guess I am uncomfortable with the lack of research I have been able to do on the radiation phase of treatment. And, the little research I have done on it pretty much suggests that there is a real divide amongst oncologists as to whether radiation should be given in certain circumstances.

But, I am pretty certain that radiation is warranted in my situation (with the kind of cancer I had and the rates of recurrence that go along with this kind of cancer) it just seems to make sense to do this. I just don’t want to leave any stone left unturned and I don’t want to skip anything that could lessen my chances of having a recurrence. So, that is where I am.

I am frustrated though because I was able to pretty much do most everything that I wanted and needed to do when I was going through chemotherapy (well,  I take that back, I was able to do the work that I needed to do, but not everything else that I wanted to do). My time was pretty much limited to working (which I did full time) and the treatments. But, as of now, I have not been able to do much of anything work wise since the radiation started. And, the time since surgery has also been pretty much just resting and getting out when I can, but never really enough time or ability to focus to accomplish much work.

Still, I am determined to change this. I have to be able to work . . . and not just to pay my bills (which I am pretty much all behind on now – but people  are working with me and I am grateful for that) but I also need to work for my sanity. Spending days in bed because I am too weak to do anything but sleep or lie there, is far too depressing. I am not a good tv watcher, sleeper or lay arounder. I need to feel productive and I really hate that I am so dependent upon everyone else to do even the basics.

I have burdened my friends and family so much. And, it seems endless.I still can not drive a car, so simple errands become complicated. But, I am deciding that the treatments will become easier and less tiresome and cause less fatigue from here on out (regardless of what “they” tell me). I don’t have a choice. And that is that. Just the fact that I can type right now without falling asleep three words in – well, that is a huge improvement over yesterday.

I know I need rest and I know I am supposed to “listen to my body” and sleep when I am tired, etc., etc., etc. But, I need to clean my house, I need to work and I just plain need to feel better. It has been like having my life hijacked. Well, I am done with that. I can no longer exist that way. I have to and I will get to work.

The chemo was supposed to be the hardest part, yet I worked through it. So, I will do the same now. I still feel the need to take a nap and I will . . . just a much shorter one (setting an alarm today).

Tomorrow will be the completion of one week of radiation! And, while I wish I could have completed even an hours worth of work during this week, I guess getting through the first week of treatment is at least some kind of an accomplishment.

Here’s to maybe adding in some work tonight and tomorrow.

Please keep me in your prayers.



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