Pre-op hop . . .

5 Aug

Well it is getting pretty close to surgery and I still have a lot to do. My hands hurt too much to type right now (still a left over from the chemotherapy). So, I will keep it short.

I don’t know if I can get everything done that I wanted to get done prior to surgery, but I am doing my best. I can feel how exhausted it is making me and so I think I need to balance getting everything done with actually getting some rest – the rest has not been happening. So, I guess something has to give because skipping the getting rest part is really not an option. So perhaps I will have to give up on some of the things on my to do list.

Hopefully today goes smoothly and I get what I need done and also get some much needed rest. It is definitely a struggle. And, then there are the emotions about having this surgery. Letting go of a part of my body. Wow. I know it is not like it is a limb, but it is a big deal. I can’t even express how it feels, certainly not here anyway. And if I hear another person tell me that I am “getting breast implants” like it was some sort of prize, or that I will be the new and improved Lisa (that is my least favorite comment), well, I think I will scream. The idea that I will somehow be better than I was before the surgery because I will have perky breasts (breasts that I will not be able to feel, that cannot breast feed a child . . . breasts that are not mine) is really so odd and such a reflection of our culture being so focused on being barbie. I would never in a million years have opted to have plastic surgery or breast augmentation. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful that I CAN have reconstruction and I am incredibly grateful to have the surgeons that I have. My breast reconstruction surgeon is amazing and does amazing work. But, this is no prize I can tell you.

I will report back soon.

Wish me luck.

2 Responses to “Pre-op hop . . .”

  1. Sandy August 5, 2009 at 7:32 PM #

    You’re beautiful now, and you will be beautiful after surgery. There’s nothing you can do about it. You’re just radiant, that way.

  2. cancerfree2b August 6, 2009 at 8:22 AM #

    Thank you Sandy.

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