Well it is getting pretty close to surgery and I still have a lot to do. My hands hurt too much to type right now (still a left over from the chemotherapy). So, I will keep it short.
I don’t know if I can get everything done that I wanted to get done prior to surgery, but I am doing my best. I can feel how exhausted it is making me and so I think I need to balance getting everything done with actually getting some rest – the rest has not been happening. So, I guess something has to give because skipping the getting rest part is really not an option. So perhaps I will have to give up on some of the things on my to do list.
Hopefully today goes smoothly and I get what I need done and also get some much needed rest. It is definitely a struggle. And, then there are the emotions about having this surgery. Letting go of a part of my body. Wow. I know it is not like it is a limb, but it is a big deal. I can’t even express how it feels, certainly not here anyway. And if I hear another person tell me that I am “getting breast implants” like it was some sort of prize, or that I will be the new and improved Lisa (that is my least favorite comment), well, I think I will scream. The idea that I will somehow be better than I was before the surgery because I will have perky breasts (breasts that I will not be able to feel, that cannot breast feed a child . . . breasts that are not mine) is really so odd and such a reflection of our culture being so focused on being barbie. I would never in a million years have opted to have plastic surgery or breast augmentation. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful that I CAN have reconstruction and I am incredibly grateful to have the surgeons that I have. My breast reconstruction surgeon is amazing and does amazing work. But, this is no prize I can tell you.
I will report back soon.
Wish me luck.
cancerfree2b 
You’re beautiful now, and you will be beautiful after surgery. There’s nothing you can do about it. You’re just radiant, that way.
Thank you Sandy.