Wish me luck everyone! Tomorrow I see my oncologist up at UCLA. We shall see how it goes.
I wasn’t supposed to see her next until the end of April. But, a few things have come up. One is that I don’t seem to tolerate Tamoxifen well and they want to see me over that issue. I guess we are going to discuss some alternatives to Tamoxifen and also discuss the possibility of going back on it. The second reason I am seeing her early is because my surgeon wants me to see her before surgery to make sure my blood counts are good and to see if she (my oncologist) will clear me for my surgery.
It is a mixed bag for me – on the one hand, I want to have the surgery as soon as possible, just to get it over with. But, on the other hand, I want more time before the surgery to get stronger so I can have the quickest recovery time.
The third reason I am seeing her is I have pain and it doesn’t seem to be resolving. I know some of it is from the physical therapy, but some is definitely not. So, who knows. It is a bone pain and that worries me. It has been a year since they have done scans of my body and last year the news was good. But, I am worried as I have new pains that I have not had before. It could simply be that it is residual from the chemotherapy – that wreaks havoc on your bones. And, the Herceptin treatments also affect the bone marrow – so who knows maybe the cause is from either or both. I just don’t know. And so I am seeing her early. I have a feeling that the scans she had planned for May are going to perhaps be done earlier. That’s a little scary to me. Okay, I am lying, it is extremely scary to me. When I saw her last time – not long ago – I asked her where do we go from here – what do I do between now and when I see you next. And her answer was that I should for now, presume I was cured. She said, we’ll never really know. And she also said, “look if you start having some weird pains or something comes up, I will scan you up and down. But, for now, let’s just presume everything is okay because it looks like it is”.
Well, now enter some new pains and I am definitely worried. But, there is nothing I can do about it – so I keep pushing that worry out of my head. I don’t know what she will make of my pain or if she will see it as a cause for running tests early. I am worried about either response – her deciding to wait and do tests in May as planned and I am worried about her having me do the tests earlier.
Anyway, we will discuss these issues tomorrow and hopefully all will go well!
Please keep up the prayers for me, please pray for me to be well, to be cured and to not be so anxious about having surgery.
Love And Peace