Okay, maybe this isn’t funny, but it is to me.
First of all, I had an amazing Christmas with my family . . . truly memorable. The only sad part was that more of my family couldn’t be there (I missed my beautiful niece and nephew and one of my brothers – their dad). But, fourteen of my family members were able to come over and we had a great time. We had a tappas Christmas (my new thing post cancer). I will post pictures soon.
I made a sangria this year and it was colorful and beautiful. I also made several other dishes as did family members, it was a wonderful feast, but most of all it was just a wonderful day with family. We played music (my Dad played the piano, Christmas songs as well as some great jazz standards and I joined him, to the best of my abilities, on the bass. I have some video of his playing that I will post here soon.
I learned knew things about them, interesting things and it was so wonderful to have an opportunity to catch up with them and to learn about what is going on in their lives. So often it has been about “how are you doing Lisa” and so “are you good now?” etc. It was nice to not have it be all about me and my trials and tribulations . . . it was a much needed and pleasant escape from cancerland.
And then I slipped while walking down the stairs (I swear, there was no Sangria involved – I was wearing stockings - no shoes – and walked down my carpeted stairs and my feet slipped right out from underneath me and down I went . . . down several steps to the bottom landing on the tile floor. It was quite a jolt (several jolts actually). But, I thought I was fine and would just be sore.
The next day I was in quite a bit of pain. By the second day it hurt to breathe, I’m figuring now at this point it might be more than some bruising. So I go into to see my doctor and dang it if I don’t have stress fractures. Chemo can weaken your bones. I have had bone density tests and have been told that I have osteopenia, but that it “isn’t bad at all”. I have come to learn that when someone tells a cancer patient that “it isn’t bad at all” that this means that it is bad, it just isn’t bad given the possibilities of bad – it is like a bell curve of sorts (I think). It ranges somewhere between “you have the ‘good’ kind of cancer” (whatever the bleep that means) to “I’m sorry . . . ” (that means you have the really bad kind of cancer – as if there are good kinds). The point of all of this is that I am a success story – so far. I am alive, I am seemingly healthy. I made it through an aggressive cancer, through aggressive treatment and came out of it N.E.D. (no evidence of disease). I have even had my oncologist on occasion refer to me as “cured”. All pretty great things. So in the scheme of things, when you look at the possibilities of what could have happened (never surviving treatment, etc.) having osteopenia really “isn’t bad at all”.
But, now I realize that it means that my bones can break. This can happen to anyone. But, it can happen to me more easily than some and certainly more easily than most people my age. But, I am not one to compare myself to “most” people. It doesn’t help me much. I am in a lot of pain right now and I am limited in what I can do physically for a time. But, that is it. It will get better. And in the scheme of things . . . “isn’t [that] bad at all”
I am disappointed that I will not be able to run the half marathon I signed up for – it is in six weeks – I should be running most days right now to prepare for it. There will be no running for some weeks. Not sure how many, but I am definitely not going to be able to prepare adequately for running a half marathon by February 3rd. So I am planning on walking it again (walked it last year, promised myself I would run it this year . . . oh well . . . maybe next year I will run it).
So I am disappointed. I admit, I was really depressed about this a couple of days ago. But, now I am resigned to it, it will get better, I will get better and hopefully I will get some help with things around my place (lifting is not on my agenda right away). Oh, I really should post the list of things that I am not supposed to do – it is quite hilarious – apparently I am not allowed to go taboggening or snowmobiling (although sledding was not on the list . .. hmm). It is a pretty funny list.
I am going to try walking on the sand (not sure if that is going to hurt more or less than walking on a sidewalk) and I am going to increase my swimming as much as possible (I still have this fantasy where I will actually be able to pull off running at least some portion of the half marathon). But, I am not going to be stupid about it.
Well, I should be sleeping.
I wish everyone a very Happy New Year!
Love and peace,