First of all, thank you so very much for your prayers and positive thoughts. It means so much to me and to my family.
I had an MRI on Tuesday and just got the results a few hours ago (online via WebMD). I checked my email and had a notification that something was uploaded for me on my WebMD account. I knew it was the results of a test and so logged in, while praying and hoping for the best. The report was long and included my history (an interesting read – being reminded of all that has occurred, all that has happened to my body in the past nearly three years now – is kind of surreal – seeing it relayed in medical terms, devoid of any emotion (of course) and in black in white is really weird). But, I digress.
The results are no evidence of disease (as in NED). Which is great news.
I am still waiting on a few other tests, but, so far so good.
I see my oncologist on February 9th (it is my hope to complete a 1/2 marathon on February 5th – pain be damned, I want to be able to report to my oncologist that I completed it when I see her on the 9th). I have not properly trained for it . . . too many pain days. But, so what, I will do what of it that I can.
We don’t have an answer as to where the pain is coming from and I fear that this will launch further scans . . . and at the same time, I fear that this will NOT launch further scans . . . it is an odd position to be in. I don’t know where the pain is coming from. Maybe it is from the Tamoxifen, maybe it is just after effects of all of the treatment. I am told I shouldn’t be in pain and that is why my oncologist has ordered tests. But, at some point, I wonder if maybe we figure that this is just where my body is at . . . I don’t want any cancer related explanation of the pain other than it is an after effect of the treatment or is related to Tamoxifen. Plain and simple, my bones hurt. I wake up in a lot of pain each day. But, for the most part it lessens after I get going and just work through it. Then it returns usually at the end of a day. Maybe that is just how it is for me, maybe this is normal for me for now? I can deal with that. I hope that it is nothing and I both hope that my oncologist will not order additional scans and at the same time, hope that she will . . . because I just don’t know why my bones hurt.
It is what it is. My worries are no different than anyone else’s who has been through this cancer escapade.
I am so grateful for so many things. Just a year ago, I could not do half what I am doing today. And two years ago, I was barely getting around, still in bed and struggling each day to get in a walk and to just get through each day. I am most grateful for all of you, for my family (both on and offline). You have all helped me so much. Your prayers, your support, your love, love your well wishing . . . it is all very powerful and makes such a difference to me. Thank you.
Peace and love,